Dear Mayor and Chairman of Leominster Town Council,
Compliments of the season!
I am writing to tender my resignation from Leominster Town Council with immediate effect.
I am doing this because it is Christmas and at this time of the year I like to give out presents
(even to certain little boys who have been very very naughty: I guess I’m just a big-hearted softy
1old Santa!)
As the whole of Leominster knows, since May 5th’s election to the Town Council there has been
one little bunny who has not been happy at all, hasn’t there?
Yes, the Lady Mayoress, who on that day did not receive the glass slipper from the prince but
instead had her posterior royally booted by the ungrateful people of the town, coming bottom
of the poll. So distraught has the Mayoress been at no longer being part of the select group of
busybodies who think their inane witterings have any effect on anything, that, as everyone
knows, she has taken to turning up at council meetings to fire off v-signs at complete strangers.
So I have asked myself “what would baby Jesus have done?”
And I believe that baby Jesus, if he were a sitting independent town councillor for Leominster
North Ward, would step aside so that the the Lady Mayoress finally CAN go to the ball!
So hurry – there is still time before Chrimbo to do what the town council usually does when a
cllr steps down: briefly advertise the vacancy on a postage stamp notice on a window no-one
ever looks at, then, whilst no-one is aware a vacancy actually exists, quietly ‘co-opt’ the
Mayoress back onto the council. Then you can once more be skipping home from the General
Purposes and Amenities Sub-Committee together, joyously exclaiming “What larks, Eddie, what
For heaven’s sake don’t change the habit of a century and hold an open, free, democratic
election!! Far too much risk of the people giving certain nether regions another comprehensive
Also I am reliably informed that if you give townsfolk a vote, a candidate will stand for the “Give
Jim Miller A Blue Plaque” Party. And I’m not having that on my ex-house: being a Hoops fan I
rather detest the colour blue.
Toodle-pip, Mayor old son, toodle-pip!
Jim Miller